dude my stepdad is so fucking funny. he is like a border collie he always has to be doing something. his job is being a media consultant/legal marketer for law firms and lawyers and he has a number of clients all of whom don’t have stuff for him to do this week bc they’re busy with Christmas stuff but he’s jewish and doesn’t care about that he just wants ENRICHMENT bc no one is answering his EMAILS. he was so bored he CALLED THE LOCAL PAPER AND VOLUNTEERED TO GO BOTHER METHODIST MINISTERS FOR THEM??? like he called like “is anyone covering (local thing with Methodist Church)” and they were like “yes but they won’t answer our phone calls” so he was just like “I will go knock on their doors for you” and we live in a Very Small Rural Town so they were just like ??? okay sure ???
literally he is like one of those dogs where if you do not give them a job to do they will make their own job except in his case rather than “destroy your couch” the jobs he will come up with are things like “deputizing himself as a beat reporter at the local newspaper”
hurr hurr I’m a human body hurr hurr I’m gonna solve all my problems using mucus
“i require more fluids” well what did you do with the fluids I already gave you. hmm? did you make more mucus with them? you made more mucus with them.
I feel sorry for people named Al (A L) because I see the name and briefly feel annoyance until I’m like, oh, that doesn’t say AI
I know a guy named Al who is doing his best to own it with really dry humor. Sometimes he’ll talk in a computer voice style.
Had a friend who changed her name, Alexa, to Alexis, specifically because she got tired of twitching whenever strangers yelled her name into their phones.
i REGULARLY think about people named Alexa and feel for them. like wtf was amazon thinking using an actual NAME. make some shit up that humans are probably not called. call that shit Blortblast. name it some Hitchhiker’s shit, not a person’s NAME when you know they’ll gotta deal w/that
Cops lie all the time about being contact poisoned with fentanyl, saying touching someone using/some contaminated surface RESULTED IN FOUR COPS OVERDOSING AND NEARLY DYING !!!11!!1 despite the fact that this is physically not possible. Primarily it is done to either hide the fact that cops are using, or to fearmonger about fentanyl and addicts. No this cop wasn’t using fentanyl, it was some junkie scum who used and then when the cop touched the desk it was strong enough to make him OD ! Also if fentanyl can make four pigs OD just by touching traces, what would happen if little Jimmy had touched it ? we have to kill junkies to protect our cops and your children !!
The joke is that theyve blown it so far out of proportion that even being faxed an image of fentanyl would cause the whole precinct to OD and keel over dead.
just wanted to add some resources to back this up cause i didn’t know it was bs until now
Reblog to make all the cops die from touching a fax machine
Adding to this, y’all realize that if fentanyl could kill you merely by existing in its presence a lot of healthcare workers and healthcare patients would be dead. Heck, I had to clean up a broken fentanyl vial at work the other day and even touched a droplet of the liquid by accident, and I’m still alive. This isn’t even looking at how stigmatizing drugs and drug users like this makes them less likely to seek help for their situation.
